Author: Bethany Gull, Ph.D
Publication Journal: Symbolic Interaction, 45(1): 2021
Bethany Gull’s research delves into the transformative journeys of women leaving the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS). Drawn from interviews with 20 female participants recruited from a women-only Facebook group for former members of the LDS, Gull’s study outlines a five-stage model of religious disaffiliation from an identity development lens:
- Pre-Coming Out: where individuals first experience doubt and internal conflict
- Coming Out: when they cautiously share their shifting beliefs with select others
- Exploration: a period of experimentation with previously forbidden ideas and practices
- Reimagining Close Relationships: where they renegotiate ties with family and friends
- Integration: the final stage of synthesizing a cohesive sense of self.
The journey often begins with an internal awakening. Some women cited the LDS Church’s involvement in California’s Proposition 8, a campaign against same-sex marriage, as a catalyst for questioning their faith. Others struggled with the patriarchal structure of the church, feeling constrained by its gender roles and modesty standards. These early doubts led to a cautious process of coming out, where women shared small pieces of their changing beliefs with family members and gauged their reactions.
The Exploration stage brought experimentation and rebellion, often expressed through clothing choices that defied modesty norms, such as wearing tank tops, exposing what they humorously called “porn shoulders.” Some tried alcohol or coffee for the first time. Yet, these acts often came with lingering fears of judgment from former community members.
As they moved forward, relationships with family and friends were deeply affected. Some experienced rejection, while others stayed silent on topics like religion and politics to maintain peace. One woman’s father initially disowned her but they later reconciled, choosing a father-child relationship over religious differences. In the Reimagining stage, close relationships underwent a reckoning as ties that were previously built on shared values and beliefs lost their foundation.
Finally, the Integration stage marked a turning point where women fully embraced their new identities. This often involved public expressions of their transformed selves, such as posting about LGBTQ+ rights or critiques of the LDS Church on social media. Many described newfound freedoms, living authentically, and finding inner peace.
This research is meaningful not only for outlining the nuanced process of religious exit but also for highlighting the unique experiences of women who have been particularly impacted by religious patriarchal norms. It also provides a fresh perspective on the topic of religious disaffiliation by emphasizing an identity lens, acknowledging that a major aspect of leaving religion is losing and rebuilding identity.
To close out this synthesis, here’s a question to consider: if you were to break down your experience of religious exit into stages, what would they be?
Q&A with the Author: Dr. Bethany Gull
Q: What motivated you to pursue this research?
A: Like many sociologists, I had a personal connection to the topic I was interested in studying. When I began this research, I had recently exited a high-cost religion, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It was a dramatic, life-altering experience for me because I had been a believing, practicing member of this faith nearly my entire life (minus a few crazy years in my teens) so this community and its beliefs were my entire world. I had married and started a family in this religion. Nearly all of my social connections were within my local congregation. Additionally, I lived in a city in which this faith was the dominant one, meaning that my connections through my children’s school and sports activities as well as other community connections were also frequently integrated into this faith. Thus, when I exited the faith, I lost my place in my social world in some very profound ways.
As I was exiting, however, I made connections with other recent exiters and became involved with a private Facebook group for doubting and disaffiliating LDS women. This quickly became my new go-to source for social, intellectual, and even existential community. I was also completing my education at this time and committing myself to a career as a sociologist, someone who studies social life at every level from one-on-one interactions to nation-state relationships. I was intrigued at the dynamics I saw within this Facebook group, with the way new members were socialized into a secular and, I should say, rather sacrilegious new worldview by the more established group members. I was touched at the ways these women showed up for one another and provided real-life, not just online, friendship and support. I was also fascinated by the different factors that drove these women to leave their former faith, some of which were so different from the ones that had motivated my own exit. And of course, I was struck at just how much readjustment and loss went along with the process of constructing one’s “authentic” self. Thus inspired, I embarked upon an interview-based study with members of this group which I referred to as “Outcast Women” in my published research.
Q: Were there any findings you would highlight?
A: The three main “gaps in the literature” this study sought to begin addressing were, one, to show that religious exit consisted of a process that proceeded in multiple steps and involved not only spiritual but social and self re-definition; two, I showed what this looked like in a particular religious community (Cisgender LDS women exiters); and finally, and perhaps most importantly from my perspective, was that because of strongly-enforced gender norms in many high-cost religions, religious exit would look differently for men than for women. Interestingly, the model I used was originally designed to explain gay men’s coming out identity transformation. I altered the stages slightly to better align with the experiemce of religious exit. Briefly, the five stages consisted of pre-coming out (identifying initial doubts), coming out to self and select others, exploration of alternatives, re-imagining close relationships, and identity synthesis (aligning the new identities into a cohesive self).
On gender differences in exiting, I highlighted the role of gender inequality within high-cost faiths, such as scriptural accounts that privileged men and sometimes demonized women, unequal access to funds and programs within the church, and a focus on women as mothers and nurturers to the exclusion of their other roles and characteristics.
Q: Were there any findings that surprised you?
A: I think one of the most surprising findings was the way this Facebook group acted as a resocialization tool for these women. Many of them had experienced relationship ruptures with family and friends as well as the loss of a guiding worldview. Their participation in this group allowed them to see, as many of them expressed to me, models of “life after exit” that offered hope that they would find a stable yet authentic way of being outside of their previous faith. I was also surprised at how embodied the interviewees’ experiences were. What I mean by that is the degree to which their bodies were at the core of their search for their authentic selves. Sexuality, modesty, and general affect were all key aspects of identity change these women discussed.
Q: What were the main challenges/limitations you encountered when conducting your research?
A: Probably the biggest limitation about this research is the sample size: 20 interviewees. This does not allow me to make generalizations about women who exit high-cost religion as a group. However, it does provide very vivid and discussion-furthering findings that can expand our understanding of women exiters.
Q: How might future research build on your findings?
A: I’d like to see future research focus more on comparing men’s and women’s religious exits: reasons for leaving religion, experiences in their former religion, and ways that they experienced the exit itself, to name a few. The fact is that most people who leave religion writ large do so without much difficulty or fanfare. Thus, another interesting area for research would be why it is so disruptive and life-altering for some people and not others.